Making conversation

I have never been very good at making conversation.  In the past, not as much recently, I have spent a lot of time having anxiety attacks because I didn’t have anything to say to people I was supposed to be talking to.  My mind goes blank as I try to dig up something interesting to say to and we have these long periods of silence.

The way I would handle this problem at my old job, is every morning I would watch Sports Center and read ESPN.com looking for things to say to my co-workers.  I knew Paul was a Pittsburgh fan who particularly liked hockey and NASCAR.  Matt was a college football and basketball fan, especially Bama.  Le was interested in all things Chicago.  Of course, there were people who weren’t into sports, but I knew where they were from and what TV shows they liked to watch so I could pay attention to the news to see if there was anything they might be interested in so I could have something to say to them.  Shanley was from Ohio; Sabra from Rochester; Doug was really into Farscape; Seay was a big Buffy fan.

At the time, I wasn’t aware that I was doing it.  I thought that I really liked those sports.  It wasn’t until I left that job that I realized I really didn’t have any interest in most of those sports, I haven’t watched Sports Center in four years, and I don’t miss it. 

I like to think that I have been getting better at conversation, too.  I really have been trying to learn.  I’m much less prone to panic attacks when I try to talk to someone.

The reason I bring all this up is I caught myself doing it again this morning.  I turned on Today, and the lead story was about the mudslide in the Philippines.  My first thought was not “oh, how awful,” or “God be with them.”  My first thought was “Hana spent time in the Philippines.  I’ll have something to say to Hana today.”   I even started more of the old behavior: I went and looked up the story online so that I would have details when I talked to her, and started scripting the conversation in my head.

Do other people do this?  Another thing I have been learning is that many of the things that I thought were peculiar to me really are not.  I just never connected with people enough to know that they did them too.

I’ve realized this week that one of the reasons that I have trouble with conversations and with participating in class is that I am just not fast enough.  By the time I have figured out what I want to say and formulated how I want to say it, the conversation has moved on.

That’s one reason I like blogging, I have the time to say what I want to say, without feeling pressured to keep up.  I think people would be surprised with how long it takes me to write and edit these posts.

Comments

[ken]

I too struggle with this. I actually feel like I am getting worse at it as I get older, not better. I don't watch the news or read the paper, so there goes that source of conversation. I also am on the slower side in conversations. I am constantly coming up with that convincing comment or witty comeback minutes/hours/days after the conversation has ended. I have thought of starting a blog, but what would I say? It seems presumptuous to me to think that others would want to regularly read what I had to say. Never mind the pressure of feeling like I would constantly need to be saying something. I think the big thing is that I find my life boring so why would others find it interesting.

I feel your pain.