Examination. Not. Sustained.

Secret ballot:  51-62

Oh, well.  I mean, who really wants to be a Candidate anyway?

They asked me about half a dozen questions, then sent me out of the room while they debated for what seemed like more than half an hour, then they voted.

Everyone there who spoke to me was very nice, and very supportive.  And the people who came to support me from my home church and from Columbia were wonderful, I feel so blessed to have people like that caring for me.   As we were standing at the front of the sanctuary, waiting for the votes to be counted, they started to sing:  “Amazing Grace,” “Guide My Feet,” and “We Are One in the Spirit.”

It was a beautiful thing, full of the Spirit, of love and of grace.

I can take some comfort, I think, that I did everything I could.  The things I wrote and the answers that I gave during the Examination were well received and, I’m told, very good.  I don’t think I shot myself in the foot with any of them.

It seems that for a large number of the people at the Presbytery meeting what I had to say didn’t matter.  They were going to vote against my candidacy no matter what.  I think this is my first experience of being an issue more than being a person.

In the grand scheme of things I don’t know how much difference this really makes.  I have tried to look at this not as an end to the road but as a turn. 

It is frustrating though.  I feel like I have been following this call since I started Commissioned Lay Pastor training in 1999, and I know that I have learned an incredible amount and developed many gifts in that time.  But it is hard to have been on a journey for this long and not only to not know when the end is going to come but to not even know what that end is going to be.

Comments

[Ryan]

I'm sorry to read about the negative vote at your examiniation. From the bit I have read on your site, including your letters to the Presbytery and Columbia, it seems that the Presbytery is missing out on a gifted candidate. I'm sure you were right when you noted that for many it didn't matter what you said. It is a sad reality when those given the ability to open the gates will not listen openly to the stories of those who seek to enter. May you find blessings on your journey and many days of courage as you go forward.

[maveet]

"Oh, well.� I mean, who really wants to be a Candidate anyway?... I think this is my first experience of being an issue more than being a person."

hey honey, this might be the first experience of which you're aware, but it was inevitable. To be a) transgender, b) female within the church hierarchy is to set yourself up for failure after failure. And a life of facades and dissembling to "belong".

hmmm. am I a nasty troll, looking for an opportunity to point out the obvious? as I wrote earlier, i've found myself intrigued with your path, sort of like watching a blind person walk a high wire...but with what i've felt to be sort of an exasperated hope you make it safely across.

My hope for you is you use this rejection as a liberation, re-evaluate where you can best fulfill a positive destiny, and piss off to greener pastures. blessings and best wishes in whatever comes next.